winona's got a neighbor

We heard the baby's heartbeat last week, and it was such a relief. Not only was I rationally concerned for the baby's well being with this isolated pregnancy, but my concern was doubled because of the miscarriage in November. So, relief. As soon as I heard the quick fluttering of the heart that was not my own coming from within myself, I felt the need to sit up a little taller to give the baby some room... because it was in fact inside of me. Now I find myself anxious for more tangible evidence of the baby's existence. I want to feel movement. Thank goodness I wear water proof mascara on a daily basis. Just the thought of feeling the baby... It's unreal. There is a human growing inside of me, the best sort of parasite.

(Speaking of parasites - When I was younger and had a dog named Bessie, I joked one day about having a parasite in my bum because I had seen my mom give Bessie anti-parasite medicine. My dad named this fictional "worm" parasite "Winona". My close cousin Missie used to draw little cartoons of Winona emerging from a black hole to say, "Helloooo!" I still have one of her drawings.)

Nate wants a boy so badly that I wish I could will it so. The only problem is that it's far easier to come up with girls' names than boys' names. We have 5 options lined up for any girls coming our way. For a boy? We have one. Well, two... but that second name will be for our second boy. It's just too trendy right now. Nate is bummed about that, but if we do end up with a boy first and don't name him that second name, then the compromise will be that I wanted a girl first and didn't get that. And isn't that odd...? I always wanted a herd of boys to raise as decent young men (there's a shortage in the world), but I recently find myself all mushy at the thought of a little baby girl. Regardless of what gender we think we want for our first child, we'll find out June 22nd!

the new love

I spent a few minutes this morning reading the titles of posts from my last blog, and man... I've dropped the ball. This blog needs some work. Anyway, the reason I was reading titles is because I was looking for a specific post about pygmy goats. Three years ago, I volunteered with a friend at an Easter festival at Lavender Farms south of Provo. Somehow I linked my way to YouTube videos of Pygmy Goats and have wasted a solid half hour watching them prance around. I remember falling in love with two little goats at the festival, one of whom was named Emily.

I miss having animals around, but last night as Nate and I started season 3 of The X-files (yes, oh yes) I randomly started pondering my pregnancy and the idea that soon I will have what is very similar to a pet. I will have a chubby little face to kiss and little feet to squeeze. I love animals and I love certain people, but I know I'm in for some new kind of love being a mom. I can sense it already as my belly expands... that whoever is inside will take my heart places it's never been before. That's both exciting and scary, but it's mostly exciting.