It's just past midnight, I haven't slept a wink, and Max has been asleep for at least three hours now. There's something wrong with this. I'm a bit of a night owl and have yet to concede to the "sleeping when your baby sleeps is the only way to get by" tenet. Is it stupidity? Perhaps. I think it's more of an exhaustion-induced-irrationality. When Max is asleep, I'm free to do things for Emilie. And while what I want more than almost anything is to sleep, I know this is my longest stretch of time with no interruptions. You'd think I'd use this time, if not to sleep, then to write the next Hunger Games-type series or to clean the house or to write a song. Instead, being too tired for anything worthwhile, I read some blogs, stare at Max and think for awhile, and then finally decide it's time...
Stupid. Definitely stupid.
Worst syndrome ever. Even when Julian was giving me 3 hours a night, somehow after he finally crashed, I'd feel incredibly bitter if I didn't force myself to stay up even half an hour later to just stare at a wall or something. Totally stupid. That said, I only managed to keep that up for like a month before I started dying inside and just going to bed when he did. So sad.
ReplyDeletei know the feeling all too well.
ReplyDeleteand steve has been on me to write some lame mormon teen novels lately so we can get rich. funny.